I am broke, really broke. And I am not talking about money. I am not exactly Mike Ezra, but I manage to get around. My friends do not call me “the multi-coloured guy” for nothing. Of course, like every serious young man, I get financially broke once in a while. That doesn’t worry me, however, as I can always run to my friends to do the needful. What really gets to me is when I get love broke.

So when I talk about being love broke, all I mean is that for now, I have no takers, in all senses of the word. And it is not for the lack of a love “budget”. Rather, it is because all the potential love “donors” have rejected the budget. They say that like the budget of a certain country we hesitate to mention, it has got its priorities all screwed up – excuse the imagery.

This is one thing I will never understand about donors. Who are they to tell me that I have my priorities upside down? I am the beggar, so I know exactly what I need. The donors may have their own ideas, but they are just that – ideas.

Wama you look at my budget: Monday and Tuesday – covered (Boys’ night out and the gym respectively) Wednesday – girl to go out with for a drink. Thursday – covered (bachelor’s party at Viper, even when I don’t know the prospective groom and bride)

Friday – girl to go with to Club Silk discotheque.

Saturday – girl to go with to Ange Noir discotheque. Sunday – girl to go with to church and later watch movies at home. Deficit: Four girls. Now, this is what I call a balanced budget.

It has got all the elements a progressive young man’s budget should have: boys’ only night, physical exercise, music, drinks, movies, dancing, church and girls. Unfortunately, the donors I have approached to cover the budget deficit of four girls by making themselves available, don’t think it is balanced at all.

They allege that girls take up the lion’s share, when there should only be one girl. They also allege that a crucial item called “walking down the aisle” is not provided for anywhere in the budget.

They have all told me that if I revise it, to take into consideration their concerns, then they will be willing to move in, literally, to cover the deficit of one girl in the revised budget. But like the President of a certain country we maintain we shall not mention by name, I have, for all intents and purposes, told them to go to hell.

“This is a matter of sovereignty. You cannot reject my budget. If you won’t chip in, I will go it alone, and be all the happier,” I have threatened. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how to go it alone. But then, does the President of the unmentionable country, despite his threats, know how he will get all the money to finance his massive budget without donor support?

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