The News: Ugandan judges have gone on strike following an invasion of the High Court, later justified by the government ministers, by security agents to re-arrest treason suspects who had been granted bail

The Spin:

Washington, March: Uganda's Supreme Kangaroo Court Judge, Ndugu Madevu Gurunda, has landed himself the dirty job of trying terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay Prison.

According to White House sources, President George Bush has instructed the immediate appointment of Justice Ndugu as Chief Judge at Guantanamo Bay, the American detention centre for terrorism suspects captured in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan and other countries.

The appointment comes days after Justice Ndugu single-handedly overruled a decision of the Uganda High Court for the umpteenth time and ordered the re-arrest of treason suspects who had just been granted bail.

Justice Ndugu quickly cooked up new charges of "conspiring to eat chicken", which he promptly slapped on the suspects. It is widely expected that by the time the High Court acquits the suspects of the chicken allegations, Ndugu's Kangaroo Court will have invented new charges to keep them in jail.

"Such creative delivery of justice is what we need at Guantanamo. My judges here have been wasting time raising all sorts of constitutional questions, as if they are scared of the terrorists," unreliable sources quoted President Bush as having said.

"Justice Ndugu will inject the much-needed disrespect of the law in our democracy. He can convict the terrorists of eating burgers for all I care, provided he keeps them firmly locked away," he reportedly added.

Justice Ndugu confirmed he was up to the challenge handed to him by President Bush. "By the time I'm through with the terrorists at Guantanamo, not a single American law will still be unbroken," he said.

Guantanamo Bay terrorists reportedly pissed in their pants on hearing the news of Justice Ndugu's impending arrival.

An American marine who was pissed upon by a scared terrorist told The Analyst that at least 40 prisoners collapsed and died upon hearing the news.

"It sounds like Justice Ndugu is the man," the marine said.

There is one hurdle, however, that President Bush will have to overcome before getting his man. Apparently the Ugandan government is reluctant to let Justice Ndugu go.

"We have our own dirty jobs to be done, and no one does them better than Justice Ndugu. Why should we release him at the time when he is finally succeeding to drive the fear of the devil into the problematic High Court judges?" the Minister of Disinformation and National Misguidance, Comrade Girunda wa Jinja, told The Analyst.

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