The news: Judges and lawyers have been on strike to protest  a raid on the High Court by security forces.

The spin: 

Kampala, March: Taking a leaf from the book of the judges and lawyers, the security forces – Police, intelligence agents and Black Mambas – have announced strike action beginning next week.

The men and women in uniform, and some disguised in civilian clothes, say they are protesting “the bad press and condemnation we are getting from pretty much everybody”.

"When we lay down our guns and batons on Monday, people will begin to appreciate how useful we are,” Mamba boss, Gen. Kai Hurrah, told The Analyst.

He warned leaders of the opposition that they would not get the “sweet taste of tear gas” if they decided to hold harmless rallies next week.
“Although the Constitution Square is so near the Central Police Station, I can’t assure opposition supporters that their blood will flow if they choose to hold rallies during the strike,” he said. “I would therefore advise them to wait till we resume our oppressive work.”
The general lambasted the press and the judiciary for painting his goons in bad light.

“It is very disheartening to my thugs that after all efforts we have been making to be the best in the business of repression, we don’t seem to have made an impression. What do you people want us to do, chop off your heads?” Gen. Kai Hurrah told terrified journalists at a press conference he called to announce the strike.

“And these judges, who do they think they are? Didn’t I hear that they were hiding under beds while we were liberating this country? And now they have the audacity to criticise us for working hard to liberate the country from noisy opposition groups? Incredible!” he said.

“If the learned judges want to spend all their time trying small cases like the shoplifting of underwear and pens from supermarkets, they can continue to speak badly of us. But if they want the big cases on treason, terrorism and belonging to an opposition party, they had better accord us the respect we deserve,” Gen. Kai Hurrah said.

A Black Mamba guarding the general later told The Analyst that though he supports the impeding strike, he would remain available to offer his services of terror if any member of the opposition asked.

“I don’t want to sound patronising, but I doubt that leaders of the opposition can survive a day without a knock of the baton on the head. They can give me a call, even during the strike, and I will see what I can do,” he offered.

This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Be first to comment this article

Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment Tweaked Special Edition v.1.4.4