The News: Celebration of Women's Day in Uganda was turned into praise-singing for the government. 

The Spin:

KAMPALA, March: Following the realisation that it gets its biggest praises of the year on Women’s Day, the NRM government is planning to have the day celebrated every week.

Unsubstantiated rumours reaching The Analyst say that MP Gilbert Dikuula, who is the greatest NRM praise-singer, is drafting a bill that he will table in Parliament to make every Saturday Women’s Day. The NRM MP from an upland constituency hopes that the strategy will increase the popularity of the party throughout the country and boost his boss’ chances of another term as president.

“March 8 is the most productive day on the calendar in terms of the praises we get from both major and small-time politicians. It feels good to receive so many praises, especially from women.

"A lot of women also march and dance for us, and the only thing we have to give them is a bottle of soda. Sometimes, we don’t even have to give them anything. In terms of return on investment, there is no day as profitable as Women’s Day,” Hon. Dikuula told The Analyst, all the while tapping at his mahogany desk.

MP Dikuula said that making every Saturday Women’s Day would greatly increase the NRM’s “praises per capita”, which is the measure the party uses to assess its governance performance.

“During the campaigns of the last elections, we promised the people that we would improve their quality of life if they voted for us. They did their part, and now it is our turn to do our part. Having a lot more Women’s Days will not only increase our praises, which are a very good indication of our performance as a government, but dancing and singing for us every week will also keep the women occupied and happy,” the MP explained.

He added that the weekly Women’s Day celebrations will also keep the women away from opposition rallies which tend to be held on Saturdays.

“Let’s see how FDC and DP will convince the people that we are not doing a good job when the women say every Saturday, for just a bottle of Soda, that we are doing a fantastic job,” Hon. Dikuula said.

He added that hearing the women say that the NRM is doing a brilliant job would also convince the NRM leaders themselves that they are, indeed, not doing too bad a job.

“As you know, when someone repeats something so many times, you start to believe it, even when it is not true,” he said.

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