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I am happy that as a man, I was born when I was born; many years ago. See, the days of a man – as we have understood the term since God did his thing thousands of years ago – are numbered. To be a man was to do things women didn’t have the knack or patience for and, in the process, impress.
In the days of our forefathers, the most popular man on the village was the one who had the skill to throw a spear accurately and bring the meat home whenever he went out hunting.
Even today, girls expect a man to have the ability to fix things. The more things he can fix, the better. This is the one area where it pays to be a Wang of all trades. But not for much longer. Ironically, the very thing that gave blokes the chances to impress the girls is what is now taking away all the opportunities: technology.
Take driving. Most women hate manual transmission cars. They find moving the gear shift stick around and juggling the pedals a bewildering, or at least cumbersome, task. So they would find some man to drive them. I know quite a few guys who had completely taken over their girlfriends’ cars because the girls hated driving.
Enter automatic transmission cars and everything changed. No girl needs to be driven anymore; provided she can find a man to help when it is time to park in a tight spot.
If you had a girl in the car and you wanted to impress, you would aim for the tightest parking slot and do your thing as she looked on mesmerised.
Well, here is the bad news; you won’t be doing any of this much longer. The most impressive piece of technology I saw at a motor show in New York recently is cars that park themselves.
You take your hands off the steering wheel, just work the break and the accelerator, and the auto-parking feature does the rest. Thank God it will be a while before the technology goes into mass use, let alone gets to Uganda.
In the good old days, one of the best pieces of equipment to impress a girl with was the turntable. Somehow, most girls couldn’t drop the needle right on the vinyl records, if they had the guts to try. Then someone invented the compact disc player with a remote. Now when Wang sets up his turntable and tries to show off his needle dropping skills, the girls think he is weird.
Another piece of technology women couldn’t handle was the video games. They just couldn’t work the array of buttons on the controllers of the PlayStation or the Xbox. It was complicated stuff meant for the superman. Enter the Wii.
The new game console from Nitendo is so easy to use that a one month old baby can play it. You just swing around the controller, which looks like an over-sized remote. It’s like sweeping or chopping chicken in the kitchen. Suddenly, the girls are playing video games, and wondering why the boys made it all look so complicated.
Now, if a man can’t impress the girls with his handling of the car, his dropping of the turntable needle or his quick hands with the video game controller, what is he to do to stand out from the crowd?
No wonder, some men have already given up trying to be men. Pity the boys being born today.
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