The News: During a visit to Singapore, the long-serving President Museveni explained that he has not retired because so much remains to be done to save Uganda.

The Spin:

SINGAPORE, April: The people of Singapore have been shocked to the marrow to discover that contrary to folklore, the strongest man in Singapore is not Singaporean but Ugandan.

The ground-shaking discovery was made last week when a Ugandan man showed up in Singapore carrying the hugest Lubengo (grinding stone) the Singaporeans have ever seen. As if that wasn’t shocking enough, the man revealed that he has been carrying the Lubengo since 1971 when former dictator Idi Amin allegedly threw it in his direction.

“This Bandag man you guys keep talking about; where is he? Let’s see if he can carry this Lubengo for even 10 minutes,” the Ugandan man, who said his name was Mbaguta, challenged the Singaporeans at a press conference. According to eye witnesses, Bandag, who was among the audience that showed up to see Mbaguta, sneaked away with his tail tucked between his legs.

Superman Mbaguta told the shell-shocked Singaporeans that he would prefer to hand over the Lubengo to someone else and go and look after his cows, but that there was no one strong enough to carry it.
“Believe me, I have combed the whole of Uganda in search of someone who can carry this Lubengo but I have failed to find one.

If even your Bandag here can’t handle it, how about the emaciated Ugandans? So I have offered to postpone my retirement and keep on carrying it,” Mbaguta said.

He promised that as long as there is no one strong enough to carry the Lubengo, he shall not go into retirement. “And since I haven’t found anyone for over 35 years, I really don’t expect to find them in the next few years. So I will be the Lubengo carrier for life,” he added.

The Superman said that “even if I were to die some day, which is highly unlikely, my ghost would do a better job of carrying the Lubengo than anybody I or Bandag knows.”

Mr. Mbaguta however conceded that even for a superman, the Lubengo could be backbreaking sometimes. “That is why I have been chipping off and giving away sections of it recently. If Singaporean investors want a chunk, let them talk to my personal assistant,” he said, adding that right now, he is in the process of given away the Lubengo corner known as Mabira.

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