The News: Clashes between the Bagungu and normadic herdsmen over land have left many injured in Bugungu.

The spin: 

Bugungu, July: The Bagungu have resolved to ditch Omukama Solomon Gafabusa Iguru for President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe as their king. They have also resolved to rename their district "The Bloody Kingdom of Bugungu".

The self-appointed spokesman of the Bagungu, who goes by the rather colourful name of "Stevo the Exterminator", told The Analyst by phone from Bugungu that his "blood-thirsty" people could not continue to pay homage to Iguru "who is all words and no blood".

"We've been telling the king (Iguru) that we need a taste of some good quality blood; like that of a person who drinks lots of milk. But the king has refused to give us the go ahead to check out the Balaalo, despite our fantastic excuse that they have illegally occupied our land," Stevo the Exterminator told The Analyst.

For the record, there is no such ethnic group as the "Balaalo" in Uganda. At least it is not listed in the Constitution. But the Exterminator insisted that the Balaalo do indeed exist and he was certain that "they have lots of good quality blood".

The Analyst didn't travel to Bugungu to interview the Exterminator in person for fear of being mistaken for a "Mulaalo" with lots of good quality blood. "Iguru is such a big coward. He is not like Robert Mugabe who needs no excuse to kick people off their land, raze their houses to the ground and break their legs. Now, that's what I call a true Mugungu. No wonder his name starts with ‘Mug'," the Exterminator said.

He revealed that he has written to President Mugabe to "come with his blood-drenched machetes to save the Bagungu people from weak-kneed leaders like Iguru."

"President Mug finished all the Balaalo of Zimbabwe. Well, guess what, we have got a bloody job for him here in Bugungu; Iguru's job. When the so-called king Iguru cannot stand up to be counted in these bloody times, heads must roll. And yes, we mean that literally," Stevo shouted on his mobile phone that sounded like it was dripping with blood.

A woman who picked up the phone at President Mugabe's residence in Harare told The Analyst that the President would study the "interesting" request of the Bagungu when he received it.

The Analyst was not able to establish that the views of the Exterminator reflect those of all, or even most, Bagungu. Indeed, The Analyst considers that ordinary Bagungu would rather go fishing on Lake Albert than waste their time running after their cattle-keeping brothers and sisters.

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